Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Election night

This selection from Alan Moore's foreword to V For Vendetta has always struck a chord with me, but tonight it's ringing in my ears. It's getting louder and louder, and I just want it to go away.
It's 1988 now. Margaret Thatcher is entering her third term of office and talking confidently of an unbroken Conservative leadership well into the next century. My youngest daughter is seven and the tabloid press are circulating the idea of concentration camps for persons with AIDS. The new riot police wear black visors, as do their horses, and their vans have rotating video cameras mounted on top. The government has expressed a desire to eradicate homosexuality, even as an abstract concept, and one can only speculate as to which minority will be the next legislated against. I'm thinking of taking my family and getting out of this country soon, sometime over the next couple of years. It's cold and it's mean spirited and I don't like it here anymore.

Goodnight Alberta.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

On Multiple Uses

Sarah: i don't care what you say, i LIKE how german sounds
Me: i suppose it's alright, if you're either trying to scare little children or thinking of starting a death metal band
Sarah: oh shut up
Me: or thinking of producing fetish porno for the internet
Sarah: oh fuck you
Me: or trying to play a convincing Hitler in a made for tv movie on CBS
Sarah: ...
Me: needless to say, i've been running low on blog ideas recently

Friday, August 08, 2008

In my defense it shows I am tolerant

This afternoon my sister and I had a conversation about her upcoming trip to the West Coast, where she and her friend will be staying in the lovely Fairmont Hotel. I had some ideas about what might happen.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

In Excess

Overheard on the LRT on Canada Day:

Boy wearing a Pride shirt: So, did you hear that Rachel isn't a lesbian anymore?
Girl 1: That sucks!
Girl 2: Yeah, she was such a hot lesbian!
Girl 1: And she was so hardcore!
Boy: I mean, I can imagine being a little bi-curious, but to go all the way?

Thursday, May 08, 2008


Esquire has compiled a list of The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master. Let's go through it:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
3. Take a photo.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
9. Write a letter.
11. Swim three different strokes
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
15. Calculate square footage.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (Thank you, iced tea classic!)
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
23. Be loyal.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
44. Ask for help.
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire. (God knows how I remember, but I do.)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
70. Shake hands.
73. Caress a woman's neck. (Don't ruin this one for me.)

Apparently as far as the kitchen goes, a man only has to know how to cook meat. That enough is reason to pay little attention to the rest, though to be honest I thought it was pretty cool learning how to tell North using just your watch and the sun.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My possessions are transient

Me: how is studying going?
Kate: well I came close to nirvana but remembered I had laundry to do which instantly made me lose concentration, thus losing my only chance at enlightenment in this lifetime
Kate: c'est la vie
Me: I really really really hope your final is just one question:
Me: "Which Buddha is your favourite?"
Kate: Ooooo I hope so!
Me: i would also accept: "if you could be any buddha, which would it be and why?"
Kate: I definitely will have to go with Sakyamuni...he does have a lot going on
Me: since you STOLE my nirvana joke
Kate: gasp, that doesn't sound like me at all
Me: we've been hypothetical future roommates for 12 hours and you're ALREADY stealing my shit
Kate: well i try to do it when your back is turned but I have sticky fingers

Monday, March 31, 2008

What an aneurism feels like

Dark Roasted Blend: Disturbing Wiring, Part 4

Are you the kind of person who bundles their electronics cables neatly so that there's only one organized path from your desk to the power bar? You probably don't want to look at this. I already have enough troubles with crumbs, germs and counting things, but I was unprepared for what I experienced when I clicked. My head started swimming, my breath got shallow. The floor opened up for a second and all I saw was a gaping chasm of fiery, tangled briar.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Try their breakfast

Things I went to IKEA to purchase:
-1 FADO blown glass globe table lamp

Things I purchased at IKEA:
-1 blue RITVA knitted throw
-1 pair of green ALLEBY slippers, slightly too small but only $3.99 so who cares?
-1 STRILA apple corer
-1 IDEALISK tea infuser
-42 TINDRA pear-scented tea lights

Friday, March 14, 2008

For a good time call

It looks like I might be am attending the Sasquatch Music Festival in Central Washington with The Lady and some of her friends. The original plan was Coachella, but this is closer. And cheaper. And not in the desert. I cannot stress this last part enough. If you want to take a pleasant outing and ruin it, try this at home: Step 1 - Invite me. Step 2 - Leave me for 3 days in 30-plus degree weather. Step 3 - Dehydrate me.

Fun fact: we will no longer be friends.

I'm very excited to be going on this trip. I don't take a lot of time off and I take even fewer actual vacations. I haven't left the country since I was 11 years old. I'll have graduated. In short, I think I've earned this.

But there's one problem: with this many good acts, at whom will I throw my panties? That, readers, is up to you. Look at the lineup and post your top 3 in the comments. Before Sasquatch I'll post the winner and runners up.

My tentative votes:

1. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
2. The National
3. Kathleen Edwards

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


A conversation with my sister:

Me: Btw, yesterday in the shower I solved the whole "elected senate" issue.


Me: Make appointments require ratification by the House. It introduces accountability (and an investigative process to root out the riffraff) but doesn't require actual elections, which would be huge disasters since, well, nobody actually cares about the senate candidates. People are pissed that the process is unaccountable, not that it's not an election. After all, look at the disastrously low amount of people that voted for the nonbinding senate election in the last election.

Sarah: True. and look at how few people vote in elections at ALL.

Me: Exactly. Making this kind of stuff accountable (I would also suggest it be done for supreme court judges) but not elected defuses the entire issue immediately. You have to admit, this is actually a pretty good idea.

Sarah: Oddly enough, it is. Usually dudes do other things than thinking this stuff up when they're in the shower.

Me: I did this first.

Sarah: *sigh*

Monday, February 04, 2008

About time

It wouldn't be February (or March, that one time) if I didn't publish my list of my favourite albums of the previous year. I've actually had it prepared since the beginning of January, but what can I say? I'm a slave to tradition. Hell, last year I didn't even post one, I just alluded to it. That's dedication.

1. The National - Boxer
2. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
3. Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
4. Radiohead - In Rainbows
5. St. Vincent - Marry Me
6. Basia Bulat - Oh, My Darling
7. Low - Drums and Guns
8. LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
9. Dinosaur Jr. - Beyond
10. Feist - The Reminder

Last year was a great year for new music; I discovered new artists (Basia Bulat, St. Vincent, Rebekah Higgs, Menomena) and fell into deeper appreciation of ones I already knew. Ultimately, the year had to go to The National, who topped a phenomenal breakout album (2005's Alligator) with an even better one, Boxer. I hate to call it a grower, as so many have, because it suggests that you won't like it at first. It's probably more accurate to say that my opinion of it shifted; songs that I moderately enjoyed when I first listened to them became my favourites by the end of the year. It's rare for me that an album gives this many new impressions so long after its release. I hope that if you give it a chance, you have a similar experience. This is an album that I'll be returning to for years.