A perpetual contest to see can get to Hell the fastest

Me: So, Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce.
Dad: What, is he not very good in bed?
Me: Yeah, I guess he just lays there.
Dad: It's a miracle he's still alive. But I don't think he's as smart as everyone says he is. He can't even talk without that machine.
Me: That's classy, Dad. Seriously, a new height for you.
Dad: I'm just saying, he uses a straw to type onto a keyboard and brilliant things come out. I think he's just a puppet.