Sarah: i don't care what you say, i LIKE how german sounds
Me: i suppose it's alright, if you're either trying to scare little children or thinking of starting a death metal band
Sarah: oh shut up
Me: or thinking of producing fetish porno for the internet
Sarah: oh fuck you
Me: or trying to play a convincing Hitler in a made for tv movie on CBS
Sarah: ...
Me: needless to say, i've been running low on blog ideas recently
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, August 08, 2008
In my defense it shows I am tolerant
This afternoon my sister and I had a conversation about her upcoming trip to the West Coast, where she and her friend will be staying in the lovely Fairmont Hotel. I had some ideas about what might happen.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
In Excess
Overheard on the LRT on Canada Day:
Boy wearing a Pride shirt: So, did you hear that Rachel isn't a lesbian anymore?
Girl 1: That sucks!
Girl 2: Yeah, she was such a hot lesbian!
Girl 1: And she was so hardcore!
Boy: I mean, I can imagine being a little bi-curious, but to go all the way?
Boy wearing a Pride shirt: So, did you hear that Rachel isn't a lesbian anymore?
Girl 1: That sucks!
Girl 2: Yeah, she was such a hot lesbian!
Girl 1: And she was so hardcore!
Boy: I mean, I can imagine being a little bi-curious, but to go all the way?
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Functions
Esquire has compiled a list of The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master. Let's go through it:
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
3. Take a photo.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
9. Write a letter.
11. Swim three different strokes
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
15. Calculate square footage.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (Thank you, iced tea classic!)
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
23. Be loyal.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
35.Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
44. Ask for help.
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire. (God knows how I remember, but I do.)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
70. Shake hands.
73. Caress a woman's neck. (Don't ruin this one for me.)
Apparently as far as the kitchen goes, a man only has to know how to cook meat. That enough is reason to pay little attention to the rest, though to be honest I thought it was pretty cool learning how to tell North using just your watch and the sun.
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
3. Take a photo.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
9. Write a letter.
11. Swim three different strokes
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
15. Calculate square footage.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (Thank you, iced tea classic!)
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
23. Be loyal.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
35.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
44. Ask for help.
48. Remove a stain.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire. (God knows how I remember, but I do.)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
70. Shake hands.
73. Caress a woman's neck. (Don't ruin this one for me.)
Apparently as far as the kitchen goes, a man only has to know how to cook meat. That enough is reason to pay little attention to the rest, though to be honest I thought it was pretty cool learning how to tell North using just your watch and the sun.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
My possessions are transient
Me: how is studying going?
Kate: well I came close to nirvana but remembered I had laundry to do which instantly made me lose concentration, thus losing my only chance at enlightenment in this lifetime
Kate: c'est la vie
Me: I really really really hope your final is just one question:
Me: "Which Buddha is your favourite?"
Kate: Ooooo I hope so!
Me: i would also accept: "if you could be any buddha, which would it be and why?"
Kate: I definitely will have to go with Sakyamuni...he does have a lot going on
Me: since you STOLE my nirvana joke
Kate: gasp, that doesn't sound like me at all
Me: we've been hypothetical future roommates for 12 hours and you're ALREADY stealing my shit
Kate: well i try to do it when your back is turned but I have sticky fingers
Kate: well I came close to nirvana but remembered I had laundry to do which instantly made me lose concentration, thus losing my only chance at enlightenment in this lifetime
Kate: c'est la vie
Me: I really really really hope your final is just one question:
Me: "Which Buddha is your favourite?"
Kate: Ooooo I hope so!
Me: i would also accept: "if you could be any buddha, which would it be and why?"
Kate: I definitely will have to go with Sakyamuni...he does have a lot going on
Me: since you STOLE my nirvana joke
Kate: gasp, that doesn't sound like me at all
Me: we've been hypothetical future roommates for 12 hours and you're ALREADY stealing my shit
Kate: well i try to do it when your back is turned but I have sticky fingers
Monday, March 31, 2008
What an aneurism feels like
Dark Roasted Blend: Disturbing Wiring, Part 4
Are you the kind of person who bundles their electronics cables neatly so that there's only one organized path from your desk to the power bar? You probably don't want to look at this. I already have enough troubles with crumbs, germs and counting things, but I was unprepared for what I experienced when I clicked. My head started swimming, my breath got shallow. The floor opened up for a second and all I saw was a gaping chasm of fiery, tangled briar.
Are you the kind of person who bundles their electronics cables neatly so that there's only one organized path from your desk to the power bar? You probably don't want to look at this. I already have enough troubles with crumbs, germs and counting things, but I was unprepared for what I experienced when I clicked. My head started swimming, my breath got shallow. The floor opened up for a second and all I saw was a gaping chasm of fiery, tangled briar.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Try their breakfast
Things I went to IKEA to purchase:
-1 FADO blown glass globe table lamp
Things I purchased at IKEA:
-1 blue RITVA knitted throw
-1 pair of green ALLEBY slippers, slightly too small but only $3.99 so who cares?
-1 STRILA apple corer
-1 IDEALISK tea infuser
-42 TINDRA pear-scented tea lights
-1 FADO blown glass globe table lamp
Things I purchased at IKEA:
-1 blue RITVA knitted throw
-1 pair of green ALLEBY slippers, slightly too small but only $3.99 so who cares?
-1 STRILA apple corer
-1 IDEALISK tea infuser
-42 TINDRA pear-scented tea lights
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